On Portland

This drop has some big news...

I'm moving to Portland, Oregon.

I have such complicated feelings about Portland as a city. The city is full of contrasts that make me uncomfortable. BLM signs overflowing in neighborhoods that used to be predominantly Black but decidedly aren't any longer. Extreme wealth right next to extreme poverty, which in and of itself isn't an issue. Maybe it's good to lay our inequalities out starkly so we can't shy away from them. But the disgust and frequency with which upper-middle-class liberals in Portland point to folks who are unhoused and those on the fringes, to petty theft and street crime, frequently and almost gleefully separating themselves from that which they view to be less than, is hard for me to stomach.

Portland is the city where white folks with social justice slogans proudly included in their bios have delighted in reminding me that if I moved there then "more bipoc folks would be pushed out." As if my presence singlehandedly would tip a Black or brown family over the edge, my family's pressure on the housing market somehow to blame for decades of changes in the city. As if there's a quota and when one of us comes then another must depart.

But the internet isn't real life, is it? It's not, as we all know people say things online they would never say to your face. Online attitudes often reflect unspoken realities though. Portland is a city where sometimes people still stare at me as if I'm an alien, something I've come to expect with my crop tops and tattoos and loud voice in some small towns and rural places. In a major city seemingly obsessed with Black culture, where streetwear reigns supreme and hip hop plays in every restaurant, it strikes me as an acutely strange reaction. It's the city where so many of the friends I've made have experienced horrific sexism and racism only to be told by their community members that maybe they imagined it, or maybe the person didn't mean it. And it's also a city where, when I remark on the lack of diversity, people are quick to tell me with a straight face that I just haven't driven 80 blocks east enough to find what I'm looking for. As if the extreme segregation they're pointing to is somehow soothing.

Portland is a city where almost every Black or brown person I meet has a story of caution, whether they love living there or not. And many of them really do love it. And it's not that any other city or space in America doesn't have the same issues as Portland.I just struggle with a particular almost passive-aggressiveness combined with a certain holier-than-thou attitude that I've encountered there that is particularly difficult for me to manage. A sense that folks would rather deny my lived experience or point fingers elsewhere than admit that maybe there's some work to do.

And you know, I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut even when it makes other people uncomfortable.

Portland is also the place where I've made incredible friendships, where no matter how infrequently I make it to town I know there will be people who will make time to eat with me, tell stories, and encourage me to come live there even though it might be hard. It's where I got married. Where I've experienced incredible generosity from near strangers. Where I spend late nights in the kitchen with my in-laws and silly evenings telling stories on the couch. Where I've had some incredible meals I'll remember forever.

More recently, quite suddenly, Portland is where we feel like we need to be rather than a place we just miss and hope to get to more often. Ahmed feels like he needs to be in Portland with his parents as they get older, as family situations change and people move and age and need more help. Though I have made it clear that Portland isn't the city I would choose, I also believe that I signed up to choose family when I got married.

So I've cried a lot the last few days as we make plans to leave NW Arkansas. Ok laid on the couch and sobbed. I love it here. I love how peaceful our community is, how close I am to things while still feeling like I get to live in relative stillness, how dynamic this region is that still changes every day. I feel like there's generally a sense of positivity here that I haven't experienced in the cities I've lived in. I have been imagining a future here, a house here, a dog here. I don't really want to leave. But I need to, we need to.

After all that, and for a more positive view of some of Portland, click here for a roundup of my favorite Portland eats!

And stay tuned next week for sign-ups for a whole slate of DC area events in August as I've finalized my travel plans!

Take care,

Anela

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Some Fun Changes

I've made some changes based on your feedback.

• Every Monday on IG close friends stories I'm hosting an "ask me anything" just for MATM members. Next week I suspect all the questions will be about our move lol. I'm ready!

• I've tweaked the website to make it (hopefully) easier to navigate. Now you can access all community content/drops right from the primary menu! Go to posts and there is a dropdown option that says "members only." Click there to get all the drops in one place.

• I'll also be streamlining email comms so you get just one email from me a week instead of multiples sometimes!

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In The Kitchen

I didn't manage to take a picture of this one but we made really simple but AMAZING sandwiches for a recent hike!

Toast up some good bread. Spread a thick layer of chevre or a soft cheese you like on the bread. To that add a layer of arugula (can also sub spinach). Then add a layer of roasted bell peppers! Add a bit of honey mustard to the top layer of bread and you've got a solid sandwich. Plus, if you use arugula and a hearty sourdough for the bread, then this is a sandwich that is great hours later on a hike or road trip that won't be super soggy.

Here's the method I used for roasted bell peppers for these sandwiches!

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Housekeeping

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Want to get surprise packages with goodies from my travels and treats, snacks, and products that I'm enjoying? Fill out our fun with MATM member's survey, which helps me plan events and also lets me know if you're open to receiving Magic at the Margins mail!

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